Dear Camryn,
(Sigh.) You are 8. And that makes me...well...OLD.
At least I feel like it, anyway. Lately, I find myself looking back at your early years, and wondering, "How did they get so far away from me?" and "Where did the time go?"
I guess I'm getting all sentimental and sappy, because even though I remember those baby and toddler days like they were yesterday, YOU my dear, are fighting to be free of them. And what a fight it's been! For the most part, you are uninterested lately in anything that might seem "babyish." This includes some of your (formerly) favorite cartoons, books, and games, and (unfortunately) sometimes even your little sister.
Instead, you prefer to engage in chapter books, screen time, whispers with your girl friends, and plenty of eye rolling. Most days, you are certain that your father and I are the epitome of unreasonable, and that our sole purpose in life is to make you miserable as you fight mightily for your independence.
But then, there are moments. Moments when you snuggle up next to me, and beg for me to hold you, even though you don't really fit on my lap anymore. Moments when you beg for a little "Mommy and Camryn time," (sans sister), or when you ask to be read one of your tattered old picture books, instead of Little House on the Prairie or Harry Potter.
It's then that I realize you are engaged in a battle. Not with me, but with yourself. You are trapped between "little kid" and "big kid," when sometimes what you really need is to be a bit of each. You are struggling to find your niche, vacillating back and forth between the two. I try my hardest to remember this, but it is difficult sometimes, because as you fight this internal battle, you lash out at everyone else. You are up and down, crying, then laughing, loving, then hating all of us, all at the same time.
I keep telling myself (as I did when you were two, and struggling with a different kind of "difficult" phase), that someday, (someday!) this fight that you have inside you; this persistence, tenacity, sheer strength and stamina will get you somewhere. Probably somewhere great, somewhere far, and somewhere I can't even imagine right now.
In the meantime, you are doing a phenomenal job of channeling it into the things you are positive you do love. You still love to read. You love to do art, be crafty, and create. You love to dance. You love to be with your friends. Especially Gracie and Emma. Though you have many others, those two hold a special place in your heart. You love your baby cousin, and are ecstatically awaiting the arrival of the next. You simply love. A lot.
And eventually, you will realize how much we love you too. That your dad and I aren't really fighting you at all. That by steering, guiding, and sometimes getting in your way, we are really cheering for you. We are screaming and yelling, and jumping up and down on the sidelines like crazy people. And I guess that's where the time went... Simply put, it went to you.
We love you, Baby Girl. Happy 8th Birthday.
Love, Mommy and Daddy
