Panic

Have you ever panicked? I mean really, truly panicked? I'm talking about the kind of fear that clenches your gut, spins you around and makes you wonder how you were suddenly dropped in the middle of a horror movie? That's how I felt today...

Being as it was the last weekend of spring break, I really wanted to get the girls out of the house for one more special outing before we head back to the daily grind on Monday. It just so happened that Brian was out of town with his baseball team, and we woke up this morning to pouring rain, so I knew we'd have to visit some sort of indoor venue for the girls to expel some energy.

I decided to take them to OMSI. Not for the DaVinci exhibit, but to run around in the Science Playground upstairs. Every time we've been, Camryn has had a blast. They have water play, sand, dress up, an art station, computers, magnifying glasses, and lots of science pretend play (chipmunk costume, anyone?) The only difference this time around was that Aubrey was actually big enough to join in (some of) the fun, and it was a Saturday. Mid-morning on a rainy Saturday, to be exact.

I realized when we got there that this of course translated into massive crowds. There were toddlers everywhere, an insane amount of noise (not helped by the newly added make-your-own-music station), dozens of strollers, and for some reason, an inordinate number of pregnant women in the room. Space was tight and the volume was at an alltime high.

I had a serious talk with Camryn before we entered. She seemed to understand that I was outnumbered, and that she MUST stay with me, within my sight. She's usually pretty good about following directions when we're out in public, so I didn't worry too much. About 20 minutes into our visit, I decided to let Aubrey loose in the baby climbing area. Camryn was too old to enter, but could play right next door in the 'grocery store.' My attention flickered back and forth between the girls, but when Aubrey's fingers got crushed by a wobbler about her age, my gaze fell on her for a moment too long. When I looked up, Camryn wasn't there.

At first, I didn't panic. I grabbed my tennies and Aubrey's shoes and quickly put them on. "She's crouching down in the puppet theater." I told myself. "I just can't spot her in the sea of little heads." I headed over, baby slung on one hip, and diaper bag over my shoulder. When I reached the play area though, she most certainly wasn't there. My eyes darted immediately the the art area I'd been promising her we'd visit. No luck. It was at the point that the fear began to creep up my throat.

I started circling the large room, my eyes jumping from station to station, searching for her brightly patterned sweatshirt and light brown bob. I didn't see her anywhere. I revisited her favorite spots, hit up that art room a few times, hoping that she just hadn't been able to wait, and went in there ahead of me. Still no luck. A few parents and grandparents saw the hysteria on my face. They offered to help, and one went looking for an OMSI staff member. I continued to circle, my eye on the only exit door, and called out her name.

Now I was the crazy lady. The mom who didn't watch her kid closely enough. I was the lady yelling out in the crowd as I dragged my other child and a 20 pound diaper bag along with me. I was frantic. I may have knocked down a toddler or two, or shoved a pregnant belly out of the way, I'm not sure. Two OMSI staffers approached me, walkie talkies in hand, and got a description of her and what she was wearing. One followed me, and the other went searching. They explained that if we didn't find her quickly, they'd walkie talkie an all building alert. Well that just sent me into a tizzy. I screamed her name, but all I could hear were the xylophones and maracas from that blasted music station. Surely she couldn't hear me if I couldn't.

The entire time, my imagination was running wild. What if she was circling the room too, and we were just missing each other? What if she had slipped out the door to try and get to our stroller? What if someone had taken her? What if she had gotten locked in the bathroom?

On about my 15th trip around the room, and about 10 minutes after I'd realized she was gone, the second OMSI staffer flagged me down. She had found Camryn playing in an obscure corner, near the computers and butterflies, on the OPPOSITE SIDE of the entire room from where she was supposed to be. I was SO relieved and SO angry at the same time. I scooped her up with my other arm (now I was toting 75 extra pounds) and hauled her to the nearest quiet corner. I managed to mumble a "Thank you" to the two staff members, but now as I sit and reflect, I'm not sure I ever looked either of them in the eye. I was too petrified to take my eyes off of the sea of kids, for fear I'd miss her.

Camryn's eyes were wide as she got a tearful and stern reprimand. She wasn't afraid at all, until she saw my face, that is. I explained to her how scared I was, how upset I was that she had walked away. She nodded a wide-eyed understanding, and then quietly asked, "Can we visit the art area now?"

After abandoning the Science Playground (after all, I was just going attract stares now), and taking a moment to catch my breath while the girls ate lunch, I started to feel the post-adrenaline let down. The kind that gives you a bit of the shakes as you realize all of the other possible endings to your nightmare. It was at that moment that Brian called to say he had left Seattle. I told him we were at OMSI. "I'll wait until you get home to give you the details," I said.

A few Spring Break highlights

Although we didn't make any grand plans, or travel incredible distances, we managed to have plenty of fun this week, mostly in the "little moments." It was so nice to have a change of pace, a break from our routine, and some time together. Here are a few of our highlights...

Having a "3-way birthday" celebration for Camryn, Aubrey, and their Mimi.

Making chocolate covered strawberries with Mimi. Camryn was a big help! Can you tell?

Visiting Bend's Working Wonders children's museum. Here, Camryn played "weather girl" at the news desk. :)

Playing "vet" at Working Wonders. Love the name plate!

There were fun spaces for wee ones too, though Aubrey generally preferred to be underfoot in the areas meant for bigger kids. :)

Sacked out on the way home from 3 days with Mimi and Papa!

LOVING some play time at Pump It Up Jr. with Mommy, Daddy, and sister. We all enjoyed the family playtime, but Aubrey LOVED it. She squealed with delight every time we went down the slide, then reached her arms out and lunged towards the steps as if to say,
"Again! Again!"

Trying out our new double jogger with a trip to the park (and the camera on Mom's phone.)

Picking daisies at the park.

Pretending to be a baby eagle at OMSI's Science Playground. This was pre-loss-of-child (see related post), as demonstrated by the two children in my care.

Baby Eagle Aubrey

It was worth a shot...

For the last few weeks, everyone in our house has been fighting off a nasty cold bug that manifests itself as an incredibly stuffy nose, and a general feeling of achy body yuckiness. So it wasn't too much of a surprise that when I picked up the girls yesterday, Camryn just wasn't acting quite right.

It was Friday of a long week, Brian was working late, and I had already promised to make Camryn her favorite chicken and dumplings dinner. So I also suggested a nice warm bath to accompany said comfort food, a movie, and an early bedtime. (FYI-My normally conservative rules on TV screen time relax considerably when the girls are not feeling well.) In any case, Camryn was in agreement. After her movie, she went to bed without so much as a peep for the first time in weeks.

This morning, as I poured her cereal, I asked her, "How are you feeling today?" Her response was a dramatized, tummy rubbing, "I don't know. My tummy still doesn't feel so good."

"It doesn't?" I asked, to which she responded, continuing her belly rub, "It's telling me I'm going to watch a lot of TV today."

"Ah." I responded, my empathy quickly dissolving. "Nice try, but I think you're all better!" I imagine that from her point of view, it was at least worth a shot, eh?

Picture day!

Yesterday, we took the girls in for their "birthday pictures." Though Aubrey was a little hesitant at first, she really opened up once her sister joined her on the photo platform. In fact, by the end of the session, we couldn't get any pictures of her, because she kept crawling away and squealing as she climbed all over the studio. Silly girl!

This one says, "Hey, check me out! I'm one!" (FYI-The photographer did NOT put her hand there. We thought it was hilarious that her best photo was an all-natural, hand-on-hip pose!)

Camryn was awesome during the session! She waited patiently, in pose, with her smile pasted on, while three adults tried to wrestle Aubrey into position. What a good helper!

Our little lady is ONE!

Well, it's official. Aubrey is now one year old. Although it's a bittersweet milestone, she has had a big weekend experiencing lots of new things, which have been really fun to see, like facing forward in her car seat, trying whole milk, and eating her very first cupcake! Yum! It's been so fun to watch her give these "big girl" experiences a go. She accepts change well, and is enjoying herself tremendously.

Last night we had some family over to celebrate her big day with a ladybug themed party, and she had a blast! She opened her gifts like a pro (must've been watching sister closely last week), and devoured her first ever cupcake. As she ate it, she kept squealing with delight, smiling big, cakey smiles, and looking at us with wide eyes as if to say, "THIS is what you've been holding back!? How could you?"

We ended the night by sharing a slide show that Brian put together of photos from her first year. It was fun to look back, relive some moments, and celebrate what she (and we!) have accomplished in her first year.

Wearing her birthday cake hat from Auntie Beth and Uncle Tomas. (She loves hats!)

Riding on her Rock and Bounce pony from Mommy and Daddy.

"One cute birthday girl," (just like the shirt says)

Opening gifts with "help" from big sister. It was really difficult at times for Camryn to let Aubrey have the spotlight that she's so used to occupying.

I think I've got the hang of this!

The ladybug cake, and Aubrey's accompanying cupcake. (This photo was taken "pre-swipe," before Camryn's fingers took a trip through the cake's frosting, and her front teeth scraped the face off of a cupcake. Luckily I was able to repair the damage before the party began, and she "did her time" in time out like a real woman. Apparently the "crime" was worth the "time." :)

I'd like that one, please!

Hand it over, lady!

Squish...

Yummy!!!!!

Mommy's so proud of me!

Happy Birthday, sweet Ladybug! We love you!

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl

Dear Aubrey,
It is with a mixture of both pride and sadness that I write this letter to you. The past year has flown by in a blur. It seems like only yesterday that I was trying my best to "will" you not to be born until after your sister's third birthday had passed. Well, as usual, you cooperated, and allowed your sister to have her moment in the spotlight. You even allowed her a buffer of five days before officially arriving.

There are so many things I want to remember about you and your babyhood. Things that are a part of everyday life right now, but that someday will be precious nuggets of long forgotten memories. These are the things that I just don't want to forget...

You are (for the most part) easy going and laid back. You are happy to hug the sidelines and watch the action and drama unfold before you. You do not demand attention, but are happy to get it. You are easy to make smile, and your big sister can make you light up like no other. You adore her.

You can also get good and fired up when you feel like it. It takes an awful lot to upset you, but when you work yourself up, you make it known how mad you are. You flap your hands, turn red, and release an ear piercing shriek. We try not to laugh when it happens, because that just upsets you more, but sometimes we can't help ourselves. :) Either way, it's an attention grabber for sure!

You have a great sense of humor. You're a bit of a goofball, like your daddy. You enjoy playing peekaboo with your lovey, and you literally squeal with delight when you think something is funny. When you smile, you squint your eyes nearly closed, crinkle your nose up, and even produce some nasal sounds, as though you're laughing through your nose. It's hilarious.

Your tiny features make me melt. Your baby roundness has just a bit of delicacy to it. You have such long, thin fingers and toes. I envision someday that you'll play piano, or golf, or do something else equally as graceful. For now, you toddle around on little stick legs, and wave thin arms at us, all of which spring from your round little belly. You are an irresistible little string bean.

You have the best hair in town. You may in fact hold the record for the most (4!) haircuts before one's first birthday. You easily sport hair bows, rubber bands, pigtails and braids, all while the bald babies look on with envy. You also love hats. Especially baseball hats. Especially your Daddy's baseball hats, preferably worn backwards. :)

You love to dance, bounce, jiggle, and shake. If it involves flying through the air, you're all for it. You've got a bit of a daredevil streak, which quite honestly, I both fear and admire at the same time. There is no doubt that you get this trait from your father, and I desperately hope that you got a bit of my hesitancy as well to balance it out.

You smell good. No matter how grubby you get from rubbing dinner in your hair, or crawling around on the floor all day, I can still bury my nose in your neck and get a good whiff of sweet baby scent. It's an indescribable mixture of Johnson's baby wash, Dreft detergent, and good old fashioned baby smell. It's intoxicating, and I know that someday soon it will be gone.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not being able to spend the kind of time with you in your infancy that I did with Camryn. It has been a challenge to spread my attention equally between the two of you, but you don't seem to mind. As long as you get to tag along, you are just happy to enjoy the ride. Your easygoing nature is such a joy to experience.

You have so many quirks and traits that make you unique and special, and your Daddy, your sister and I love you so very much. You have completed our family, and I look forward happily to many years of watching you grow, learn and change before our very eyes. I have faith that you will make us all very proud.

So Happy Birthday, my sweet baby girl. I love you.
Love,
Mommy

Happy Birthday, Princess Camryn!

Wow. I can hardly believe it, but today Camryn turns 4! Can it be true? Can my first baby really be a "kid?" According to the calendar (and to her), the answer is YES!

Camryn is really into princesses right now, and insisted on having a princess birthday party. So yesterday, a few of her closest girlfriends came over to celebrate with a princess luncheon, complete with a pink castle cake and tiaras for all!

I'm pretty positive that Brian fought the urge to run more than once, but he stuck with us, and helped me decorate our house in all pink, serve pink parfaits and strawberry drinks, among other things, and entertain five giggling 3- and 4-year old princesses. Such fun!

Her Royal Highness checking out her princess hair and makeup

Camryn of course, wore her Cinderella "gown," and we even curled her hair and applied a little lip gloss...something Mom only lets her do on special days.

Baby princess, Aubrey got into the dress-up action too. They don't make princess gowns in size 12 mo, so a fluffy pink tutu just had to do! :)

Decorating tiaras and wands.

Lunch with the ladies

A little princess attitude...

Such good princess manners!

We ended the afternoon with the piece de resistance, a giant, pink castle-shaped cake. (I am NOT a cake decorator, and was quite proud of creation!) Chocolate cake with cherry frosting, yum! Camryn loved it too, which of course was most important!

Blowing out her candles...

Happy Birthday, Princess Camryn! You are so loved by your mommy, the Queen, your daddy, the King, and your little sister, Princess Aubrey, as well as the rest of the kingdom. May your fifth year be perfectly, royally, pinkalicious!